| (no subject) |
[Oct. 5th, 2009|10:39 pm] |
i think this is the sign. the sign that tells me i should live my life a better way. eat healthier, be more physically fit, trust those that love you the most. spend time with my parents because only God know how long they will still be here on earth.
priorities: study harder in school, no slackin off, study study study!!!!!!! find a part time job to pay for gas and insurance and for play time. exercise exercise exercise, eat sensibly. stay active. go to every class and learn. be confident in my self. be optimistic. give people the benefit of the doubt. trust the good people in my life and dont let them go. be friendlier!--ill try. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 19th, 2009|10:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
i think about the hurt she goes through every night. but tonight ive truly realized that that hurt will never be gone. she will always feel ashamed and will never really have a family that supports her and loves her for the good things that she does and the good that she inherently has within herself. all they see is one thing and they will be blind to everything else. they will not love their daughter unconditionally like every parent should love their child. and for that, i will always feel her pain. i will never be able to make her truly happy. she feels my love, but she will never feel the love she once had from her family, not until they accept her for who she is. |
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| the holidays... |
[Dec. 29th, 2008|04:28 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | nothing better | ] |
my holidays arent starting out the way i planned. been alone most of the time. quite depressing. its cold for socal. everything just screams out depressing right now. usually i loveeee the holidays, just wanting to share it with someone, but there's no one to share it with, so whats the use. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 26th, 2008|09:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
i havent been on here in ages. i usually come on here to complain about my life anyway. but for now, i dont have much to say.
life's been...ordinary. school (i hate it), my non-existant job rocks, fights with jodie, good times with jodie, fights with the brother (not really...i just ignore him weeks at a time because he's an idiot), trying to take care of my parents, dont see friends much because its either im busy or theyre busy, and its usually theyre busy because i have no life. i wish i had a car of my own because i get so mellow and calm when im just driving alone.
gas has gone down to $3.09 this morning (woo-hoo!). i guess thats the best news ive got to offer you. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 28th, 2008|11:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | rejected | ] |
it seems like i get blamed for a lot of things...without being told.
like, i try to cheer her up, but shes not having it.
so i usually let her have her way...
but it seems i just keep digging a whole for myself
and she gets mad at me for not solving the problem.
i might seem like im melodramatic right now...
but shit, i have feelings too. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 27th, 2008|07:33 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | shitty | ] |
| [ | music |
| | sunday bloody sunday | ] |
i dont know why i always get my hopes up.
=/ |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 31st, 2008|03:00 pm] |
its a saturday.
ive never been so bored in my life before.
well...maybe.
but im still freakin bored.
pick up your phone jazz!! |
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| my heart hurts. |
[May. 3rd, 2008|11:52 pm] |
so i went to the movies with jasmine tonight.
it was nice.
we sat at carl's jr. for a good while and talked about our significant others.
there i am, talking about jodie to jasmine about how much i loved her and how she is the love of my life,
and i come home and it all comes biting me in the ass.
questioning me about if i loved her or not or just say i love her when i feel like it.
isnt it strange how love and life works? |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 15th, 2008|12:14 am] |
|
i just wish i could be a better person. |
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| havent been here in awhile |
[Mar. 2nd, 2008|07:11 pm] |
time passes by.
dont know whats really going on.
dont know what im doing.
but time still passes.
idk.
i...i dont like where im headed.
i just feel so lost again.
feels like i have no purpose whatsoever.
i just want to do something.
anything.
... |
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| yeee! |
[Dec. 19th, 2007|09:47 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
christmas is almost here!
i wish i could spend it with her.
=[
but the sister will be in town.
thats good, i guess.
i miss high school...
being able to hand out candy canes and whatnot.
::sigh:: |
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| hurt. |
[Dec. 11th, 2007|09:50 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | crushed | ] |
the most hurtful thing you could do to me is walk out on me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 5th, 2007|08:10 pm] |
its almost the end of the semester.
im glad.
but im so tired of school already.
another semester of bullshit.
then sophomore year.
im not looking forward to it.
i just want to work
and start life.
like really...i am. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 12th, 2007|12:07 am] |
jodie's parents are douches.
they tell her to find her own way to school now.
id pick her up, but its kinda hard when i cant drive
and when i cant been seen around her house.
and its hard finding friends that have an 8am class
because they dont.
and even if she did have her license.
she wouldnt have a car to drive.
and its like...gawddd,
i cant do anything.
and her parents tell her they're only doing this
cause they care.
eff that.
she always tells me that she wishes she had my parents.
it makes me sad. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 2nd, 2007|09:22 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | here we go again::paramore | ] |
the only reason i runaway and be difficult most of the time is to see if you'd run after me and just be like..."look, calm the fuck down." that shows that you care.
i dont know.
do all girls do this??
i sometimes do this without even realizing that i am.
i am the happiest person when you're holding me...
and im the saddest person when you're holding me...
i just love the feeling i get but i think about...man, i might have to give this up.
could i ever give it up?
i dont know if i can handle it anymore.
yes i can.
id rather be miserably happy than not happy at all. |
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| music&lyrics |
[Oct. 6th, 2007|12:51 pm] |
|
all i wanna do is find a way back into love... |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 5th, 2007|09:13 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sick | ] |
i hate being sick. especially now because i work, where i interact with people. im not the loudest person in general, and when im sick...its like...fuck. i gotta try to speak louder cause my voice is all fucked. ugh. i dont think my supervisor likes me. do i look like a hooligan?? iono. maybe its because im a slow learner and my social skills arent that good. whatev. that job sucks. ill try to stick through it through the whole school year, if not, im quitting when 2nd semester starts. TGIF! THANK GAWD ITS FRIDAY! no work today. and i wonly have 2 classws. im waiting for jodie to get out of her class right now. ive been at school since 7 and my classes dont start til 10. ive just been walking her to class and sitting waiting for her to get out. im so tired. i wanna go sleepy bye bye. i hope this semester keeps speeding up because im not having fun in college. blah!
good day to all. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 23rd, 2007|07:10 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | paramore::brighter | ] |
im not a big fan of school, but i guess i have to go through it.
i wish i had new glasses already.
everytime i try to go in to get new ones...
something always comes up.
im not destined to have new specs.
without new specs...
i'll never be able to drive =[
life is pretty calm.
hopefully it will stay that way. |
|
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| college!!! |
[Sep. 2nd, 2007|07:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
college starts tuesday. im dreading it like crazy. i already had my first pre-semester class last week for university 100, it was okay i guess. not hard. kinda whack =/ but yeah...the semester starts tuesday and im already counting the days until winter break. is that bad? i dont feel like going to school anymore...im not a school kinda gal...i dont think. i just wanna work. and get outta this place. i know i wont be able to get a terribly good job without a degree, so that is why im still going to school. bleh. i just dont feel as excited about college as i think i should be. i dont know. whatev...we'll see how it goes. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 29th, 2007|04:32 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | blah | ] |
so i got my classes yesterday for cal state long beach.
i have 16 units.
i was planning on working..but i dont know if i can do it all.
i have 1 required classes for one week before school actually starts.
its from 8/27-8/31
from 12-2:45pm.
then i start my actual classes on september 4th.
ugh...
i dont feel like going anymore.
lol. |
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